Listening to your ego is the best thing you can do for your career

I wasn’t fully present in meetings and interactions because I was too busy trying to prove I was supposed to be there. In meetings, my ego would be repeating loudly in my head ‘They all know you don’t belong here,’ and therefore I’d be obsessing over what people thought of me and how I was coming across. It meant that I wasn’t relaxed, focused or hearing the finer details in meetings. When I realised how distracted I was by this, I began to understand why my career progression had stalled. So, I began giving my ego new messaging to keep my distracting ego at bay. I’d tell myself that ‘X’ person had come to meet me because of my expertise, which was true, and then I’d set a clear goal for each meeting to help keep me focused.

Similarly, in our work lives, curiosity can be a game changer. Instead of approaching tasks with a sense of dread or obligation, curiosity invites us to ask: How can I make this more enjoyable? What’s an interesting way to approach this challenge? Curiosity reframes work from something to avoid or push through, to something we can engage with, learn from and grow within.

My ego was constantly looking to reaffirm the worst thoughts I had about myself. If someone didn’t show up to my presentation, it told me that it was because they didn’t think I was worth their time. People’s questions about or revisions to my work triggered self-doubt, prompting me to over-explain every decision I’d made! It was exhausting for me and baffling to my colleagues.

I finally realised that my ego was leading me to frame these interactions as a possible attack. So, I began confronting these anxious feelings by simply reassuring myself that ‘they are just seeking clarity or trying to help you’ and replying with that in mind. My internal communication and stakeholder relationships got stronger and my self-doubt began to lower.

I was guilty of falling into the trap of ‘ripping the band-aid off’ when deciding when to deliver bad news because it lessened my anxiety or shortened my to-do list. But, that was an ego-driven decision. Now I ask myself ‘Am I doing it now because it’s best for them or for me? Am I avoiding doing it and causing them distress or ambiguity? Have they already had bad news or a confidence knock today? Will they ruminate on this all weekend if I tell them Friday arvo?’. I learned to stop and ask what else is going on in that person’s day and consider when the best time is for them to receive the news (rather than the best time for me to give it).