How To Be A Girl

It’s become a national sport to stereotype millennials— we’re lazy, we’re entitled, instead of saving for retirement we’re forever getting trampled by bison while trying to take selfies—because, sure, when you’ve set the world on complete fucking fire, why not spend your twilight years roasting your own grandchildren over the smoldering debris of their dreams?

But people always miss the number one most typical classic one weird trick about millennials, which is that older millennials like me, people who were born during Ronald Reagan’s first term, have a singular great, passionate love above all else. Greater than avocado toast, greater than the DuckTales theme, greater than gender-swapped Game of Thrones characters reimagined as Disney princesses, greater than never owning property, greater than selling our plasma so we can make our student loan payments, greater even than being called a special snowflake for asking not to be raped by future Supreme Court justices.