The impossible choice faced by tens of thousands of Australian women

How much would you endure to keep a roof over your head?

Financial abuse is prevalent in many cases of domestic violence, forcing women to either stay in an abusive relationship, or risk poverty. Women like Toto*, who endured a violent marriage for ten years. 

Toto didn’t have access to money and she wasn’t able to work because her husband, Eric*, wouldn’t let her.   

“He controlled the spending,” says Toto, speaking on the FW podcast, There’s No Place Like Home. But Toto was resourceful. She carefully gathered funds so she and her children could leave.

“I managed to save up some money from the allowance that he gave me. But when he found out, he started asking me, ‘what is this money?’ And I didn’t have the option to just say no. So I would give him my money, straight away.”  

By sharing voices from victim-survivors and professionals in the space, our Behind Closed Doors series uncovers what financial abuse can look like, how to identify signs and where to find help. 

Just over 50 years ago, there was very little government support for Australian women who were single mothers as a result of leaving a violent partner.

The Supporting Mother’s (now Parent’s) Benefit was introduced in 1973 – a year before feminist icon, Dr Anne Summers, claimed squatters rights in what would become the country’s first emergency shelter for women. 

“If you’re a mother escaping violence [and] you’ve got three children, you’ve got two suitcases, you’ve got no money, you’re out on the street, what do you do?” asks Dr Summers, giving context to the issue at the heart of her 2022 report, The Choice: Violence or Poverty, based on ABS data from 2016.    

“My biggest fear was for my children, because I’m here alone. I feel proud [that I left]. And I wish I did it earlier because there wasn’t any chance of him changing his behaviour.”

The report indicated that in 2016, an estimated 90,000 women living in violent relationships wanted to separate but were unable to, with almost a quarter saying a lack of financial support was the main reason they were unable to leave.

“Now, even though you can get the Supporting Parent’s Benefit [Parenting Payment], it’s much lower in value than it used to be,” says Dr Summers. “[A woman] on that payment with a couple of kids is living in poverty, there’s no two ways about it.”

Toto did manage to leave her husband and make her way into the workforce, but without extended family in Australia, a lack of options kept her from escaping sooner. 

“My biggest fear was for my children, because I’m here alone,” she says. “I feel proud [that I left]. And I wish I did it earlier because there wasn’t any chance of him changing his behaviour. It was just getting worse, day by day.”

Commbank Next Chapter is designed to support all Australians impacted by financial abuse – regardless of who they bank with. 

Through their partnership with Good Shepherd, Next Chapter’s Financial Independence Hub offers free financial coaching, referrals to support services and, in some cases, interest-free loans. 

Help is available. And as Dr Summers says, we need to be on the lookout for financial abuse occurring in our own communities. 

“When you know somebody who’s in that situation, you’re duty-bound to do something about it.”

Raising awareness makes us all safer.

If you or someone you know needs help, call 1800RESPECT. In an emergency, always call 000. 

*Names have been changed