Eleanor* was at the top of her game – living abroad in her own apartment, growing wealth through investments and kicking career goals – when she met Jaye*. 

“I was at a really high point in my life. My job was going really well, I had a great circle of friends, I travelled a lot. Whereas he was at a low point. He had just been fired from his employment and I thought, I’ll give him the support that he needs because we’re friends. So we hung out a lot – and very soon we were dating.” 

Eleanor was in love, but remembers feeling strange about some of the things that Jaye would say, as she shares on season two of the FW award-winning podcast, There’s No Place Like Home.

“He would regularly denigrate his former partners, particularly the mother of his child. And I wondered at the time, why would he feel the need to do that?”

Jaye became physically, emotionally and financially abusive. Even after leaving the relationship, Jaye trapped Eleanor in a years-deep legal battle that was both expensive and re-traumatising. 

Her story supports a growing body of research indicating that when a woman out-earns her male partner, he’s more likely to abuse her. Thirty-three percent more likely, according to a recent study from the Australian National University. 

One of the reasons researchers believe perpetrators do this is that the earning difference challenges “rigid stereotypes about masculinity and femininity”, as Patty Kinnersly, CEO of Our Watch, explains. 

“[The stereotypes that] say that men should be in charge and stoic and women should be submissive and not in control,” says Kinnersly on the There’s No Place Like Home podcast. 

“Inequality and gender stereotypes – and sexism and disrespect. When those two things are happening together in a community, or for an individual, it’s more likely to predict violence to occur.”

Soon after they got together, Jaye convinced Eleanor to move back to Australia and told her he had no money, so she covered their relocation costs. She also paid the rent on their city apartment and, later, the deposit on their home. 

“I’ve got everything to lose here. He’s got everything to gain.”

When Eleanor fell pregnant, Jaye escalated his abuse. And after she managed to flee with their daughter, he weaponised the legal system. 

Jaye was charged with several counts of assault and, despite crying poor, brought one of the best – and most expensive – barristers in the country to their court case. Jaye refused Eleanor’s requests to access money from the sale of the house she funded, while her legal costs surpassed a quarter of a million dollars. 

“I’m living paycheck to paycheck… My financial resources have been absolutely depleted,” says Eleanor. “I’ve got everything to lose here. He’s got everything to gain.” 

CommBank Next Chapter offers free, confidential support to all Australians experiencing financial abuse. CommBank also supported research to help improve legal responses in areas like criminal, family and migration law to improve support systems and policies for victim-survivors.

Because as Eleanor’s and countless other stories attest, abuse can continue through the systems designed to protect us. And being a breadwinner can put you at higher risk. 

Awareness is part of the solution.